One of the first things Priya Parker writes about is that before you gather, you should be crystal clear about why you’re meeting. You may think you know why you’re meeting, but Parker says: “A category is not a purpose.” In other words, a purpose is not: “I’m getting married” or “I’m hosting a meeting about our new product release.”

Parker urges readers to get really specific about what they want to accomplish and achieve through a gathering. By doing this, you will move from a “basic, boring purpose” to one that is “specific, unique, and disputable.” Parker shares that when you have a good purpose, it helps you make better decisions. Your purpose is your “bouncer.” It lets you know what is right and wrong for your particular event.

Take a look at the 'To, So That..' archetype for defining the purpose of a gathering, inspired by Simon Sinek's work in the space.

After you have your specific purpose nailed down, deciding who should be at your gathering is the next order of business. Parker writes about the need to exclude people from events. It’s completely ok and even necessary she says: “Thoughtful, considered exclusion is vital to any gathering.” Parker feels that over-inclusion is a reflection that you don’t know, and aren’t committed to, your purpose.

Typically we think that events begin when they begin. Parker reminds us that events actually start long before: they are initiated in how guests are prepared for the gathering. According to Parker: “90% of what makes a gathering successful is put in place beforehand.” For example, you may take time to individually meet with stakeholders before a big meeting or maybe you send an inspiring article to the attendees of an upcoming dinner party.

Parker shares helpful guidance for how to positively “prime” your attendees before an event. It’s everything from how your name your gathering (is it a “lockdown” or “brainstorm”?) to how you greet attendees. and usher them into a gathering space. To illustrate the concept of ushering, she talked about the immersive theater experience Then She Fell, where the audience was seated in a small reception area and given a special elixir and a set of keys before entering the alternative world of the show.

Whatever you do, resist the urge to start your gathering with 'house-keeping' and, instead, launch in a way that sets the tone for the rest of your time together.

Our Facilitating Remote Groups workshop, is an excellent live session for anyone looking to dig deeper into these ideas and more.