According to Voss, negotiation is a slow untangling of every fear and anxiety the person you're negotiating with might have — no easy feat considering the amygdala (the brains emotional core) devotes 75% of its wiring to the processing of negative emotions. So where do we start?

A powerful first step is to summarise the perspective of the person you're negotiating with, and call out some of the concerns you feel might be present. For example, if you're trying to negotiate flexible hours with a boss you sense might be reluctant, you might open with "I know this is all very new and scary, and you'll have concerns about the impact of productivity." Showing such 'tactical empathy,' and addressing any elephants in the room also enables the person to correct you if you're wrong, providing you with important information about their position.

👉 How might you 'summarise the argument' of someone you need to negotiate with? Take a minute to note down some thoughts in relation to their perspective and position.

Negative emotions reduce our clarity and reduce the influence we have. Another way to reduce them is to simply take a break, call time out, go to the bathroom or otherwise make a moment to breathe and break the flow. When we come back to positive emotions, we're much more likely to boost creative thinking and find mutual wins. Voss also explains how pace is key to any successful negotiation conversation, and awareness of this helps us to directly manage someone else's mood and manner. We should practice our 'late night DJ voice:' a voice that is slow, relaxed, calming and very deliberate. It's a useful circuit-breaker whenever you feel a negotiation is becoming too heated, and has the dual effect of calming not just yourself but all around you.

👉 Hone your 'Late Night DJ Voice,' by joining a coming Voice Gym where vocal coach to the stars Ingrid Gray shares her wisdom on vocal resonance and its everyday impact.

Voss advocated the use of 'calibrated questions,' — "What, how and (rarely) why," questions.

Questions like "what are the obstacles between me and that pay rise?" or "how should we proceed?" because they encourage in-depth thinking. As Voss puts it, when someone mulls over such a question "they have no idea that you just put their brain on a topic, specifically."

'Why,' questions, on the other hand, should be used with caution. Questions like "why did you do that?" make the person answering the question feel accused, and defensive. "Unless," says Voss, "you're getting them to defend you." Say for the sake of example that you've just been offered a promotion, and you ask your employer "why me?" In this case, the person you've posed the question to will swoop in to defend you, which only strengthens the relationship between you.

👉 Practice asking open, deliberate 'what' and 'how' questions in your day-to-day conversations, and see what impact they have on the time people take to think and respond. Some more good examples from Chris Voss: "how can I help make this better for you?", "what about this feels important?" and "what are we trying to achieve?"